Whatcha got there? Oh. A biscuit. Um, I'll pass.

Now I wouldn't say my dog, Bob
Perpetually acts like a snob
But we drove past some deer
And I swore I could hear
Him lean out and bark "Get a job!"

Just in time for Valentine's Day: Romantic advice from my 92-year-old grandmother:

"Take off your garters, roll down your stockings, and stand on your head."