Note to self:

Run screaming.

On Gilmore Girls,

two days after his by-pass surgery, Richard is on the road to recovery, and Rory returns to Yale, where she finds that Richard's economics class is now being taught by an attractive young TA, Tucker Culbertson, who flusters Rory with his charm. While Lorelai tries to distract herself from the issues in her marriage, she and Sookie focus on planning a funeral for one of Michel's beloved dogs. Finally, Christopher returns ready to talk, and he and Lorelai discuss the main problem that has haunted their marriage – Lorelai's feelings for Luke. On Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, after a young girl is found dead in the apartment of a vacationing couple with no children, Stabler and Benson soon learn that there have been a number of high school students having floating parties, going from house to house and getting drunk. Unfortunately, charging any of the teens with murder proves problematic, but the detectives get a break when they learn that one of the teen's mothers had been providing the alcohol as well as sleeping with one of the students. On Beauty and the Geek, one of the women is in tears when she must work the Dewey Decimal System. On Grey's Anatomy, Callie and George make a big decision. A successor to Chief Webber is named. A man named Jeff Pope arrives. He is looking for his wife and newborn child. Cristina and Burke's wedding day has arrived and so have the interns first-year exam results.

... and lots of other things I learned because of her period.

Abraham Lincoln Has Been Drinking Tequila

"Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation, so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain — that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

Woooooo!"

Broadcasting "Live w/ Regis & Kelly" in the assembly room

, wherein the system of trial-by-jury proves its reliability by making its participants, in the moments before employ, even more stupid.

"Is that the Arch?"

, she asked, pointing to the 630 foot arch.

Broken HTML Incites Seven Million One-Second Panic Attacks:

"What's the opposite of Chinese?"

Confounding, spontaneous, random query posed by my presumably lucid grandmother.

a recovering

if n_s < n_p then j

where s = intimate acts shared per month
and p = her previous sexual partners
and j = my jealousy

It's probably more nutritious.

Energetic child at Target: " ... and here's what our dogs eat!"

Exhausted father: "No, no ... the dogs eat that dog food right there."

Child: "No, daddy, they eat balls of kitty litter!"