Are you MAD?!

This so-called "service industry" has no regard for human life! It's teeming with dangerous killers! I saw those animals rip the limbs off a cop -- after he unloaded ten rounds into them! I tell you, they just got up and started attacking! The bullets did NOTHING. They'd just as soon eat your flesh as serve you a muffaletta! And you have SYMPATHY for them? Well, if you want to line up to be a damned waiter buffet then go ahead. NOT ME.

I'm telling you, THESE THINGS AREN'T HUMAN.

These things may LOOK like Gary the floor manager from Applebee's, but the only one who's gonna be eatin' good in the neighborhood is GARY, and it'll be ON YOUR FACE.

So COME TO YOUR SENSES before we ALL GET EATEN ALIVE:

We've got to WORK TOGETHER to DEFEAT THE SERVER MENACE! Or START RUNNING!

gun plus schoolbus equals BAD IDEA (a.k.a. the source of that vomit odor)

"We stand for the winners!"

pascar

A professional-level, highly competitive vehicle racing circuit, wherein points are awarded and accumulated for the finishing position of the vehicle's passenger, who thus garners endorsement deals, cheek kisses, tabloid divorce, etc.

nod

"Gentlemen, let me just say that this has been the most professional execution I've ever received."

Inmate #63358 of the Texas penal system had learned -- if a little too late -- the virtue of the forgiving, loving demeanor as practiced by Jesus Christ. Before the previous night's dreams dissolved the bars and walls and guards for the very last time, he had prayed with confidence for the forgiveness of the officiant charged to conduct the most grim of duties. #63358 had prayed for the officiant's family. #63358 had prayed for those he had hurt, and had prayed for all of those still hurting, huddled in cold concrete corners.

The officiant delivered a curt nod, the kind familiar to weary authorities. It was a subtle movement, almost imperceptible, visible only in a momentary shifting reflection on his spectacles. To witnesses he'd remained silent, but to #63358 he had spoken:

"Thank you," he said, lenses signaling his humanity. "Though this journey you take alone, know that we share the sadness of your departure. May God welcome you with open arms and peace soon replace the heavy thoughts of those who mourn you."

#63358 found himself overcome; that his last moments would be baptized in compassion forgave years of lonliness. He felt a joyous shout rising from his soul, a "hallelujah!" fit to fill the sterile hall ...

But as it turns out, the nod was not meant for him at all.

"wac" or "WAC" or "WAC!"

In email or instant messaging vernacular, to express straight-off-the-boat appreciation of -- or, sardonically, recalcitrant disdain for -- the state of affairs; an homage to Bransonite comrade comedian Yakov Smirnoff.

In use:

StonedWilma says: I just bought a laptop for $200!
RocketSloth_085 says: WAC!

TigerPawz says: Did you hear about the new provisions to the Patriot Act?
EarbudsToo says: ugh
EarbudsToo says: wac

against the tug of gravity meows

Tacky printed kitsch against the tug of gravity meows. Thumbtacked to scratchy fabric of lightsoaked cubicle walls, losing luminence to middle-aged Lindas who obscure it with rumors of hoarded brownies, whispering conference room B, I heard, and isn't that powdered sugar on your holiday-appropriate sweater? It meows, against the tug of gravity and monotony and spiritlessness, resisting the wilting poisonous vapors escaping from cracks in hope, the reality of dissatisfaction and its thumbscrew attack. Straining against the relentless drag of down, it proclaims a mantra unto the three-sided province and hard-haired Linda who, like a kitten under similar duress, hangs in there.