Getting to Know You, Pt. 1

I'm going to take down the American Feelings fourth wall for a bit here in order to document some goings-on over at LinkedIn. I acknowledge that this is a bit masturbatory and troll-feeding in nature, so take from it what y'all will. I promise to return to blank-stare-inducing humor -- perhaps even within the context of this thread -- lickety-split.

Some background:

Late last week I received a LinkedIn network invite. The sender was not familiar to me -- nor had he included a personal message in his request -- so I browsed his profile to see how we might be acquainted. He has 500+ connections. He is in St. Louis; I lived there for several years. We have a couple mutual connections, but they are loose at best (one I have not spoken to in perhaps five years, the other I've spoken to twice). Because I take LinkedIn more seriously than I do Facebook, because I believe a network connection implies trust (or at least acquaintance), because he did not provide me any reason to believe I wasn't just another of the 500+ notches on his bedpost, and because LinkedIn by its very nature discourages meaningless connections, I clicked the button which most accurately described my relationship to the sender:

"I don't know this person".

Shortly thereafter, I received this LinkedIn message:

Subj: My Apologies

I was reaching out to you because I was informed that you could quite possibly be the perfect creative force to design and deliver a website that I have secured funding for....but obviously not. Yes, paid work with equity.

Sorry I interrupted your day with an invite.

Kind Regards,

Dxxxx

To which I replied ...

Subj: Re: My Apologies

Dxxxx,

I try to engage in equitable working relationships, such that neither party feels they are being exploited -- or doing the other a favor. For _this_ reason I am likely not the right creative force for your project.

However, to insinuate that I am somehow rendered incompetent because your original invite was indiscernible from LinkedIn spam is, well, just plain immature.

Cheers,

M

To which he replied ...

Subj: Re: My Apologies

Matthew,

It was a small test of the universe and well, you simply failed.

And as for immature I guess that now someone with an email address of forgiven@babyimsorry.com is capable of judging the rest of the normal world.

Wow! Clearly the wrong person.

Again my apologies.

Dxxxx

To which I replied ...

Subj: Re: My Apologies

Dxxxx,

The novelty of your approach is not lost on me.

My marketing background has taught me a few communication principles which, I admit, I perhaps rehash too frequently. Foremost, I try to speak clearly and directly. Especially within forums where self-edification is the norm, I try to construct introductions that are meaningful to the audience. In a new twist, you engage in tests of the universe, a technique favored by the Nigerian prince. Then, when those tests are not met with your desired -- yet unarticulated -- result, you resort to personal insult and sarcasm. In your estimation, would it be unprofessional for a fisherman to curse the fish that failed to bite an unbaited hook?

If you define success as the opportunity to work on a project with you, we have different definitions of success. I imagine that this will not sit well with you, because it seems that you wish me to feel the sting of a missed opportunity. That perhaps, if I had just accepted a complete stranger into the my professional network of trust, I would see benefit tenfold. Perhaps if you explained your project in detail to me -- reminding me of all that I have now lost -- you would achieve your desired, unarticulated result.

Unapologetically,

Matthew

PS In your first email -- at least, the one where you first saw fit to include a personal message -- you mentioned that you had been informed that I might be the right creative resource. May I ask who or what informed you?

To which we shall see ...