Big Deal. You're Pregnant.

Just be glad it was me giving you such a sweet-ass little baby:

• I hardly ever cry.


• I sleep through the night.


• I'm rarely sick, but when I am, I can clearly articulate my symptoms and speculate as to their cause.


• My stool is firm and manageable.


• I love puréed vegetables.


• Put me in front of a TV and I'll pretty much be self-sufficient for hours.


• I'm not particularly curious about plastic bags.